Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another bad experience at 2120

Another bad experience at this new apartment.

I don't think I posted about the electrical meltdown that happened 2 nights after I moved in, destroying my TV and a few other items.

When I first got access to the apartment, I found the storage unit for my apartment full of stuff, with a padlock on it. I asked the janitor to remove the padlock and clear the stuff out so that I could put my stuff in there. We assumed it belonged to the prior tenant in my apartment.

He did so, and my mom's stuff is now in there, with my padlock on it.

I just found out that the stuff in that unit belonged to my neighbor upstairs and was worth a considerable amount of money. I asked her why her stuff was in the storage unit for my apartment, and she said there didn't used to be apartment numbers on the storage units, they were only added after Peak Properties took over a few months ago.

I feel horrible. There's no way I could have known the stuff was hers, unless I'd thought to ask the neighbors, but I didn't.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Realizing I've starved myself of support

There's a longtime pattern in my life, of starving myself of support, and then getting to the point where I'm desperate for it.

I'm realizing this morning that I've been starving myself of support from friends this summer, though this time for different reasons.

In the past, it's been because I didn't feel I deserved the support. I rejected it from low self-esteem.

This summer, it's been because I didn't know how to stay in touch, when I was so stressed and so 'full' from time with my mom. I was spending so many hours listening to Mom really carefully, to figure out what was going on with her emotionally, and figure out what to say in response, and figure out how I could help by changing her living situation.

Now, after several months, I've figured most of it out pretty successfully, so I'm less tired and full after being with her. Witness Monday, when I was with her for 8 hours while she had medical tests. Earlier in the summer, 8 hours with her would have fried me completely for several days. Yesterday I was tired and a bit low but nothing like fried for days.

I'm still not real sure how to stay in touch with friends, but I'm hoping to figure it out well enough to get back in touch and renew those friendships. I've received so many emails from friends asking, "How's it going? How's your mom?" And when I've tried to respond, it was overwhelming, I didn't know what to say, because there was too much to say and I didn't know how to boil it down.

I went to a ritual to honor the Equinox last night in Evanston. It was pleasant but didn't go very deep, and I didn't make many connections there. I'm missing the kind of depth I had in connections with several friends in Colorado, and the depth I found in gatherings there of friends who'd done the Matrix training or Shadow Work weekends together.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Missing my stuff

I'm a bit down today, missing my stuff, meaning the stuff I left behind in Colorado.

I moved here in early June on pretty short notice, for several reasons -- my lease was ending, and for financial reasons, and also because I was afraid the beneficial effect I'd had on Mom during 2 weeks in May might dissipate, and she'd end up back in the hospital.

And there were a huge number of unknowns -- it wasn't clear whether I'd be able to make enough money to take care of Mom as a job, so my living situation was very much up in the air. There was even a chance I'd end up taking a job as a live-in caregiver for someone else, meaning I'd have almost no room for any of my things.

So I sold or gave away most of my things -- I really downsized in an impressive way.

And now I'm finding I'm in mourning for some of the stuff I left behind -- a sweet little end table that would come in so handy, and a bedside table that I kept stuff in, and my mattress that was still quite comfortable, and large (queen size). And crazy things like the dark green dish drainer, which is no longer sold.

In writing the book, I went into debt, and I'm trying to do things differently this time around -- not buying something on impulse, buying things only when I'm positive I absolutely need them, and then getting them on Freecycle if I can, and if I can't, at a thrift store if at all possible.

And waiting for things I need exacts an emotional strain, which gives rise to the kind of depressed feelings I'm having today, so I guess I understand better why I used to buy things impulsively.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Don't buy the green check mark

Thanks to Lisa Trank for posting a link to this article on FaceBook.

A deceptive practice called "Smart Choices" is going to show up on food labels in supermarkets as a green check mark on products like Froot Loops and Hellman's Mayonnaise, to indicate that they are smart choices for nutrition.

According to the article, both the FDA and food nutritionists are appalled, but the FDA isn't going to shut the program down.

It's a short article, have a look -- Avoid 'Smart Choices' on Food Products to Eat Healthy at the Planet Green website.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Moving day tomorrow

Tomorrow morning (earlier than I can imagine right now, starting at 7 am) I'm moving into my new apartment in Chicago, near Damen and Foster, in the Ravenswood neighborhood. It's a really nice apartment on a really nice block that seems quiet and neighborly, I've already met 2 of the other residents who extended a welcoming hand.

This move is much easier than my move back to Illinois from Colorado, because I've got so much less stuff. So today isn't as anxious-making as it would normally be the day before the move.

Mostly a few annoying details -- I don't have a mailbox key yet, and there's still a padlock on my storage unit in the basement. If it ain't off there by tomorrow, I'm snipping it off, I want the movers to be able to load my own stuff in there.

The past few weeks have been eventful and exhausting. Mom has decided to go ahead with the skin cancer surgery, so we'll start heading into that. I've been filling out the application for her to live at Covenant Home of Chicago, and as I talked about that with one of her doctors yesterday while Mom listened, it seemed she doesn't have any problem with that, though the idea of moving anywhere seems completely overwhelming to her, as of course it would.

I'm reading Tolkien's Lord of the Rings for relaxation and so enjoying the characters. My biggest beef with the movie versions was how they changed most of the characters, some to the point where they unrecognizable from the book.